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In Which I Search For My Lost Downward Dog, Part I

  1. I didn’t expect to fall so hard in love with hot yoga, but there you are.
  2. I start drinking coffee at 4:30 am to make it to 6am class. This is love at its purest and most caffeinated.
  3. This is my 3/4ths of my excuse for going to bed at 9.
  4. The other 1/4 is NOT because I’m the same age my dad was when I started calling him an “antique.”
  5. I’m not sure a comfort zone exists where I would come to class in just my underwear, but some guys manage to pull it off.
  6. I don’t know who looked at crows, dogs and dolphins and said “These animals are onto something about flexibility and mental calmness” but I’m glad they did.
  7. I am by NO MEANS claiming mental calmness. I just hear it’s available to me.
  8. My heels are down, my hips are as high as I can push and still the teacher has to adjust me. When will I achieve a perfect downward dog?

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    Don’t try this at home …
  9. And now … chair pose. Or, as its known in the original Sanskrit, “@#$% chair pose.”
  10. I am trying to feel my bandhas, but my gut insulates them extremely well. Let’s assume they are engaged, since I am clenching everything in my body, including my tongue.
  11. My brain always purposefully forgets this pose even exists until two seconds before it’s time for  … side-angle pose.
  12. Ow.
  13. Count faster, please.
  14. No, REALLY. I feel cartilage ripping.
  15. Oh, no. That won’t be happening. I know there are others in class that can hold their feet straight out, and turn their heads to the left, but they must not have butt-numbing corporate desk jobs.
  16. Well, that was graceful.
  17. One teacher said if you need to go to child’s pose, that’s when you need to get stronger and stay in the pose.
  18. Not sure where this magical strength is supposed to come from, but I’mma think about it in child’s pose …

To (possibly) be continued …

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