Wonder Woman – Season 1, Episode 12 – “Wonder Woman in Hollywood”

At last, we reach the end of the 1940s episodes. I for one was super glad for the 30 year time jump. I was done with Nazis and the lack of any real super villain (not that we we get those in the next two seasons, but there are some  … attempts).

Time for our Wonder Seriousness power!

This did bring back Wonder Girl and the delightful Carolyn Johnson as Queen Hippolyta one last time, and I wish they had made the leap to the 70s as well. But I won’t miss Etta or General Boringship.

Anyway, let’s hop in the invisible jet for the appropriately-named … Wonder Woman in Hollywood!”

A producer is showing the War Department gang a film. It’s a pitch to get the War Department to pull four of their best war heroes together to recreate their exploits and make a film to A) boost morale and B) buy war bonds.

“What? No one else likes Xanadu?”

Etta is overly enthusiastic and Diana gushes that they just HAVE to re-enact Steve’s daring plane crash. The producer, one Mr. Bremer, is all in to have Steve join the film. Steve of course needs Diana to come with him to Hollywood, because he’ll need coffee and investigations. Diana is perplexed as to why she would be needed and Bremer is all “every girl wants to come to Hollywood.” FEMINISM!

I wonder what the captions of my life read … nothing THIS awesome!

The joke here, ends with Etta convincing Diana Hollywood is a paradise and Diana thoughtfully agreeing she needs a trip to paradise. Cue the caption …

I could watch a whole series of her.

We cut to Paradise Island. Our delightfully ditzy Queen is prepping for the Bimillenial celebration, marking 2,000 years since the Amazons came to Paradise Island. This was filmed, of course in 1976/1977, and America was still jazzed about its Bicentennial. 

The queen needs a “Festival Queen,” but it would be a conflict of interest for her to fulfill that role. A spunky Drusilla, with her feet up on a chair, sees her opening. She says it should be Diana and she should go to America (land of boys and ice cream) to go get her.

I also want to live on this set.

The queen reluctantly allows it and says remember, Diana is in this place called Hollywood. THEY CAN’T JUST MENTAL RADIO OR WHATEVER TO TELL DIANA TO COME HOME? I mean, I’m happy for Wonder Girl to show up, but I’d rather see the Bimillenial Festival than the lame story we get in Hollywood.

Are the controls invisible, too? Is she just … winging it? 😂

Dru invisible jets it to America and we see a lot of old Hollywood footage, including the Paramount Pictures lot, my old stomping grounds. But ultimately, this will be a one-hour commercial for Warner Brothers, so we head to their lot.

The whole studio is an NRA member?!?

Bremer is smoking on the sound stage  as they prepare to film Steve. A nervous Robert Hays (of Airplane fame) is a young corporal who Diana befriends. As the camera rolls, Diana notices a scaffolding wobble. She twirls into Wonder Woman, saves it, turns back and NO ONE HAS NOTICED! Bremer only notices the key lighting has changed and asks Diana not to lean against the scaffold. GRATITUDE!

When we say “Get us out from under,” it’s literal.

Drusilla is outside the studio lot, as a bunch of fans crowd around “a star.” Dru asks a boy what’s up and he tells her he got the autograph of the woman, who is “a star.” No name, just “a star.” Dru laughs and says she knows where the stars are … in the heavens. HUMOR.  A security guard comes up, assumes Dru is there for a Greek film and hustles her inside.

This episode has 70% less chiffon than the last Wonder Girl episode.

Steve can’t get out of his fake cockpit, so asks Diana to get him some coffee while he’s “stuck in the sky.” She goes outside and Dru sees her and surprises her. They hug and it really did feel like a sisterly relationship. If only they could have kept Debra Winger.

Joy.

Diana sees Nervous Robert Hays, and two men drive up and start to kidnap him. Diana tells Dru she will handle it and races off to Twirl. She gets the bad guys off Nervous Robert Hays, but of course, they escape, almost running over Dru in the process. Diana changes back and they ask Nervous why anyone would kidnap him. He nervously lies, and heads back to the studio.

Forget Nervous Robert Hays! At least Dru is okay!

Drusilla gets down to business. She’s there to make sure Diana promises to come home and be the Festival Queen at the Bimillenial celebration. Diana won’t promise, only that she’ll try her best. Drusilla knows that won’t be good enough for mom. Diana says she has to see what’s going on here … that a rival studio may be trying to sabotage the film. HEAVENS!

“Okay … one Hollywood party, and then straight back to Paradise Island.”

Dru argues she should stay one more night and Diana agrees. After all, there’s a Hollywood party that night at Bremer’s … and Dru is happy that the cute but Nervous Robert Hays will be there. Diana is impressed that Dru is already using her slang and I am wondering don’t the Amazons don’t have the word “cute” to describe anything?

Ever worried about dress codes, Dru wants to know what they are supposed to wear. Diane reflects that Steve told her the dress code would be slinky. Now, there’s some non-Amazon slang! Dru wonders what “slinky” means …

Getting the slink on …

At the party, we see! Gloria, a woman acting like the hostess, is in a slinky silver number. Diana explains that Gloria is the definition of “slinky.” We are not done with this word by a long shot! Dru notices that everyone is staing at Gloria. Nervous Robert Hays is there and is … nervous. Steve tells him to stick close, so he can keep an eye on him.

He’s going to fly our plane???

Gloria gets a navy sailor alone, and two Nazis kidnap him.  Good thing Steve is keeping an eye on Nervous Robert Hays! Bremer, of course, is behind all this. He dismisses Gloria and berates his underling for not kidnapping Nervous Robert Hays earlier. The underling protests. “How were we to know Wonder Woman was in Hollywood?”  Read the episode title, man!

Those outfits should be considered war crimes.

Bremer reveals his plot. They will kidnap the four war heroes and make them stand trial for war crimes in Berlin. It’s a propaganda masterstroke. Bremer sadly doesn’t have a moustache to twirl, or twirl he would … because after the war … he will control the entire American film industry! A goal I share!

It’s hard out here for a villain.

When the Navy guy doesn’t show up for work, Diana and Steve investigate. Diana was about to send Dru home, but thinks now she can stay and help. Steve rightfully wonders how a 15-year-old girl can protect Nervous Robert Hays. Diana laughs that at least Dru will stick close to him.

You’d think she’d take the recipe back to Paradise Island.

Dru and Nervous Robert Hays are at a café. She does love her ice cream soda. She’s on her third when she begs him to order another. She goes to call Diana, and two bullies start picking on Nervous Robert Hays.

Who bullies someone about their ice cream?

Now. I know this behavior would never fly now, but I feel doubly so in the 40s. Would even juvenile delinquents harass a soldier? They make fun of the ice cream sundae he has ordered for Dru. They make fun of his military uniform. They push him around.

YAY!

Dru gets off the phone with Diana, having elicited a comment from Diana that Dru is so perceptive, she reminds Diana of their mother. Dru sees what’s happening, and twirls into  Wonder Girl!. She takes care of the two bullies and Nervous Robert Hays runs nervously out of the café.

That was a quick fight.

She changes back to Dru and meets him outside. Nervous Robert Hays lies to her and says he took care of the two tough guys. Dru is only surprised for a moment, but then lets him get away with the lie.

“Sure. I believe you.”

They head back to the studio, where the next scene is being filmed outside. Dru says she needs to talk to Diana, who says to wait until after this shot. She shouldn’t have waited! During the scene, the army sergeant races into a “Nazi fortress” … and disappears!

Ahhh, the 70s … cigars and Unfortunate Neckwear

Bremer is this episode’s bearer of Unfortunate Neckwear. He demands there be no leaks to the press as Steve and Diana ramp up their investigation.  

“You’ll never catch Steve Trevor! Wait, who is the star of this show?”

The two hostages appear to be in a U-boat in the Pacific. They think their captors will never capture Steve Trevor. They have NOT seen this show before. Bremer tells his underling they now have to ramp up the time table … and capture Trevor AND Nervous Robert Hays at the same time. His underling thinks there is more to be discussed, but Bremer dismisses him.

Nervous Rovert Hays and Dru are having lunch and he comes clean. He explains to her most of why he’s so nervous. He was on the front lines, scared and lost and about to surrender … but the Nazi squad he was about to surrender to was also lost and scared and threw down their weapons. He became a hero for “capturing” a dozen Nazis, but no one knew he was about to surrender first!

I did NOT see that coming. Nope.

Dru says he is brave to admit all that (hmmmm) and then he gets a call. It’s someone who says to go pick up Trevor and bring him somewhere TOTALLY not suspicious. ON a dirt road, Trevor and Nervous Robert Hays are … wait for it … AMBUSHED!

They fight, but just as Steve knocks his guys down, NERVOUS ROBERT HAYS grabs a gun and points it at Steve! Steve knows the Nazis must have some sort of hold on Nervous Robert.

But has to go to Wardrobe first to get a hat and pipe.

Back at the studio, filming wraps when they discover the abandoned car. Oh, Bremer … don’t act like YOU didn’t know what’s up! Steve and Nervous Robert are taken to the “U-Boat.” Steve wants to know what’s up with nervous Robert Hays, when Bremer comes in. Nervous Robert asks if his parents are okay and Bremer says they are on board and he can see them before they sail for Berlin.

Bremer walks out … onto Stage 12! Yes, they have been on stage all along!

Diana is searching for their only lead … the woman at Bremer’s party. She goes to the Casting Department, and describes Gloria … blonde, blue eyes, 5’2’ … and at a loss for words, Diana adds, “slinky.” The casting director lets her look through the hundreds of blonde, blue-eyed slinky actresses in town. Diana finally finds her headshot and the casting director agrees … slinky.

“Additional Talents: Sings, dances, slinks. That’s her!”

Bremer heads for his mansion in what looks like Burbank He confers with his underling. He has no intention of letting Nervous Robert Hay’s parents go … and Slinky Gloria will have to be taken care of, too.

“If only our son wasn’t so nervous …”

Visually, once we left Paradise Island, this episode has been pretty dull. I expected more from Hollywood! So much time in cafes and Bremer’s house. Oh well. Wonder Woman tracks down Gloria, who is in some hideous makeup and costuming, admits to helping Bremer. Wonder Woman uses the magic lasso, but Gloria doesn’t know much else. She does mention Bremer was always at his house or on Stage 12.

What kind of a role is that?

Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl crash onto Stage 12. The find the U-Boat mock-up, but Steve and the other three war heroes are gone! Wonder Woman reasons they can only be one other place … Bremer’s house!

“He can only be … at his own house! Let’s go!”

This is a leap of logic beyond imagination. Why wouldn’t they take the prisoners straight to the beach? Did they need a cocktail first? The Wonders … run.

So fast it’s a blur!

I mean RUN. We cut to a shot of their legs running down the street, then them jogging thorugh Burbank. I hope Bremer lived close to the Warner lot.

Imagine being on the street and seeing them film this.

Of course, Wonder Woman is right! Bremer’s prisoners are in a Warner Brothers van and they lead Nervous Robert Hays in to see his tied-up parents. Why? So he thinks they are not dead as he sails to Berlin?

Wait … Warner Brothers is in league with the forces of EVIL?

Wonder Woman bursts in, leaving Wonder Girl in reserve. As she and Steve both feint moves to help Nervous Robert Hays’ parents, Bremer shoots … AND HITS WONDER WOMAN! WTF!

You do not shoot Wonder Woman!

Wonder Girl moves in as Steve assists the injured Wonder Woman … and FINALLY, Nervous Robert Hays screws up his courage and is ready to take a bullet for his parents. Luckily, Wonder Girl deflects it and the war heroes quickly mop up the Nazis.

Pretty extreme tactic to teach someone a lesson, Wonder Woman.

Wonder Girl leads Wonder Woman out and then Wonder Woman stands up straight … she wasn’t injured at all! She wanted Robert Hays to have the chance to be Brave Robert Hays. Awwwww!

Back at the War Department, they screen the finished film and love it. They must have a hell of an editor, because Dru is STILL in America. Steve wants to take them all out for a celebration and Dru is excited for more ice cream. Everyone notes that Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl should have been in the film, as they were the real stars … the superstars!

Goodbye, 1940s!

Alas, it’s a bittersweet moment. The 1940s episodes were not cheesy enough to be real fun, but I loved Drusilla. This one was a rather lame episode, so only 3.25 magic lassos out of 5.

I’ll miss you, Drusilla!

We say goodbye to the 40s and hello to a new direction in the next season. It promises to be way more fun. I’ll be back in a few short months with Season Two. Until then –  ice cream and Feminum bracelets for everyone!

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