PEW PEW PEW! Time for a moral dilemma for our runners and another episode without Francis! Where IS he? Let’s search for him in this week’s episode of Logan’s Run!

Another day, another abandoned lab.

We open on a night scene and the air car rumbles through an abandoned Hollywood backlot pretending to be a city hit by a nuclear bomb. REM explains it was the poison air that killed more people than bombs.

Suddenly, we see a credit that explains HARLAN ELLISON wrote the story for this!


Brush with Fame

When I worked at Paramount doing Star Trek licensing, a very cantankerous Harlan ended up calling my office to complain about a photo we were using of him. I eventually got it changed and he was somewhat mollified, and he was super nice to me for the next couple of phone calls. I will always cherish the fact that he sent me his business card which simply said “I write.” and his phone number.

The car stops when a motion detector light beeps at them. Of course, they get out to investigate. They enter a building and find a laboratory. Logan trips a light beam which activates a video recording. The woman in the video (from 2120) begs them to help her.

It’s no hologram from Artoo-Detoo.

After the war, a scientific community went underground  –  literally – under that very building.

A plague developed and it killed almost everyone, but six of the most brilliant people were put in cryogenic stasis in case a cure was found. One was found, but couldn’t get to the people underground for, I dunno, reasons?

I doubt this is what Walt Disney’s tomb looks like.

REM is confident the plague would have died away by now and the serum is sealed, so they should totally go inject those people with it. When he asks Logan to provide more light, Logan SHOOTS A BUNCH OF PAPER WITH HIS GUN to start a fire.

Gun safety, Logan!

As REM works to open the jammed door, Jessica wonders what they’ll find down there. Six frozen people, I mean COME ON! They get in an elevator and don’t speak to each other for like 30 seconds of screen time. I don’t think they like each other all that much.

Who thought 30 seconds of no dialogue in a futuristic elevator was worthy of screen time?

They end up in a corridor that looks like a Bizarro-world TARDIS. As they comment on the freshness of the air, an earthquake hits. It’s like an 7.13, cause there are heavy beams coming down (and an analog machine seems to be measuring it). Logan drops the container of serum and a concrete beam smashes it.

Are they in LA?

BUT ONLY HALF OF IT! Three portions of serum are broken, and there are three left. If you are a student of math, you now know the crux of this week’s dilemma –  six frozen people, three portions of cure.

REM, ever the optimist, theorizes the plague could have been killed by the freezing process. Jessica can’t walk, so REM carries her.  Logan seems to have less to do each episode, which is a waste of Gregory Harrison and also is boring.

Of course, REM makes a weight joke. Ugh.

A strange screen blinks there is MORE TO COME and I am doubting it. Logan finds the six people-sicles and very dramatic music plays. The people are waking up,



Apparently cryogenics involves the need for plastic, nearly see-through bodysuits that are ruched along the center seam (see, Project  Runway IS teaching me things!)

One guy is shirtless and I am overjoyed!  Finally! He’s a character actor who according to IMDB will show up again in Galactica and Dallas! Yay! He questions Logan about the cure and then the unfrozen Asian genius starts getting clairvoyant flashes. He sees the cure case getting half-smushed.

Suddenly, the flask of cure Logan holds pops up into the air and the guy laughs that telekinesis is one of his “disciplines.” Hmmm. The doctor theorizes they have only two days before the plague will kill them. They put the decision on Logan and his friends.

Logan and REM are tasked with hiding the remaining flask so no one will steal it. This seems like a dumb plan, but what can you do. They hide them in a cremation urn. REM thinks the unfrozen scientists’ memories of all the deaths of their friends would keep them from searching there. RIGHT.

For all your futuristic owies.

Dr. Greenhill uses great sparkly metallic bandages. David has put on a peasant shirt that is open to the waist and I’m not mad about it. REM goes to get Mr. Lymon and talks to himself the whole way, which is extremely un-android-like behavior.

Future Fashion!

By the dramatic music that plays when REM opens the door to find Lymon, we can tell –he is dead. It LOOKS like and earthquake knocked something on him, but Imma reserve judgement on that.

They all go into the cremation chamber and REM was right –  no one looks for the serum in the urns!

While debating on how to make the choice, Logan suggests they get to know each of the scientists and figure out who deserves to live. Cold-blooded!

REM finally looks at the MORE TO COME screen. A video plays of a dying scientist. The plague rots out teeth as well as skin and that’s a little gruesome. The scientist also says something’s not right about the files of the six.

This is why you floss, kids.

REM fast forwards and discovers one of the six … is an imposter! PEW PEW PEW we go to commercial.

We come back and Sylvia is flirting with Logan while wearing a necklace that looks like a piece of Transformer circuit board. She says Jessica is in love with Logan and I think this is sort of obvs. She is rubbing Logan’s chest but he stops her. Awwww! He misses Francis!

“I’m wearing a purity ring.”

Jessica talks to the doctor about how the doctor chose who would live when there were too many sick people. Dave breaks in and starts talking about whose worthy and who’s not. He also shadily suggests Logan will make sure Sylvia survives. Snap!

Dave interrupts Sylvia’s flirting and starts flirting with Logan and asks to hold his gun! Oh my. I can’t believe Logan ONCE AGAIN just gives up his gun.

It’s like a futuristic Bachelor episode.

At dinner, the five remaining debate that each of their disciplines is what is needed to survive. REM comes up with another problem. He reveals that he hid the truth  –  Lymon was killed before he was placed under the machine. There’s a killer among them … and is improving their odds of survival!

The doctor thinks all six were psychologically tested to be incapable of murder. But as we know … one of them ain’t who they say who they are. Even as Dave says he doesn’t have the equipment to seduce Logan like Sylvia does (don’t be trapped in your 22nd century gender roles, Dave!) the lights go out and the roboticist ends up dead on the floor!

The decor of the future is primary colors.

One more and no one will have to make any decisions!

Who had a gun besides Logan?

Logan goes to get the serum, but REM also busts out with the knowledge of a fraud. Logan puts the serum down and walks over to REM. REM starts doing a Sherlock Holmes and explaining what happened and how an imposter got among them.

No one had known each other before being selected, and the computers were altered to allow bad data and steal someone’s identity. It turns out Sylvia and her giant broach did it! She was a computer tech. She runs for the serum since Logan conveniently left it on a table.

Is that where that goes, Logan?!?!

He chases her through the corridors. All she wants is to see the sun again. Logan goes for the serum and twists it out of her hands. He gives an impassioned speech … and no one has followed until she’s done with her pleading.

“I want to live! And take off this bizarre necklace!”
Resting Angry Face.

Logan gives the serum to the real three scientists and says it’s their decision now. Dave says he wants to name a city after Logan and REM. Not Jessica, since she just hobbled around all episode with a metallic bandage.

The scientists put Sylvia back in stasis, which is more than she deserved. The runners head out of the city in their car with no more dialogue.

It’s like a snooze button for cryogenic stasis.

Overall, only 2 out of five Sanctuary ankhs. No action, one non-Logan shirtless scene and NO FRANCIS. Hopefully, next week our favorite pensive Sandman catches up with our runners. Until then!

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