Logan’s Run — Season 1, Episode 9: “Judas Goat”

PEW PEW PEW! Looks like this episode’s moral dilemma is REM taking a human life … and it looks like there is some unfortunate neckwear choices AND still no sign of Francis in this week’s recap. Join us outside the City of Domes as we start our own countdown to the end of the season and series in this week’s Logan’s Run!

What happens in City of Domes, stays in City of Domes!

What the what!?! We open on the City of Domes! It’s been almost a whole season since we’ve visited that same stock footage!

A runner is … well, running and a Sandman who is NOT FRANCIS is chasing him. At this point, I suspect Francis has simply died of plot neglect. It’s hard not to notice that runners are wearing leggings over their shoes and I wonder how much traction they can get  that way.

Those leggings can NOT be getting traction.

This episode is written by John Meredith Lucas, who wrote four Star Trek episodes but none of them my faves, though “That Which Survives” has some fun cheesy moments.

“Sweaty-Man, Sweaty-Man … sweats wherever a spider can …”

It takes me a moment to realize this sweaty runner is none other than Nicholas Hammond … who played Spider-Man in the original TV series! Even as Spider-Runner is using his Sanctuary Ankh to open the secret passage, the Sandman shoots him.

How about going to Quadrant 69?

After Spider-Runner (or Hal 14 as they like to call him) is terminated, the Sandman is told a maze car is coming for him to take Hal to a special lab. The labs have big science font lettering that say Quadrant Two, which is how I want my secret lab to be decorated.

Hal and the Sandman (Joseph-2) are put on tables and a PLOT DEVICE is lowered towards them. The lab tech is in an extremely silver outfit. It doesn’t look like Hal was told what’s about to happen, but like a good Sandman, he just lays there.

Twinning!

A serious amount of buttons are pushed and we see Joseph laser-plastic surger-ied into Hal-14! Joseph is brought to the Elders and they are still wearing upholstery fabrics. Hal knew Jessica, so they give Joseph all Hal’s memories and send him out to catch Logan –  because Francis, aside from being early as incompetent as Logan, has been missing for half the season!

What have you done with Francis?

Joseph thinks the Elders have all been renewed and the lead one explains they have been “in a sense that need not be explained to you at this time.” I am so using that line at work from now on. They offer him the same deal as Francis –  bring Logan and Jessica back.

Outside, Fake Hal is already caught up with the air car. This brings up some logistical questions … are Logan and Jessica just driving around in circles? How does Fake Hal find them so quick? Where the @#$% is Francis??

Fake Hal positions himself in front of the aircar and REM rightly guesses Logan’s Sandman uniform has spooked him. The CLEAR answer here, Logan, is to TAKE IT OFF! But no, Logan runs after the runner. Logan introduces himself and tells Fake Hal they are going to clean him up, which is not a shower or anything, but a thermos and cloth so I feel CHEATED.

Are we there yet?

Fake Hal explains now there are thousands more runners every day, due in part to the legend of Logan-5 and Jessica, to which I say, how many actual citizens can the City of Domes hold? I need some census information.

REM gets in some robot vs. android snark and they head off. Fake Hal tells them there’s a lot of unrest, which is clearly a ploy. Jessica and Logan are being sucked in and once Fake Hal has said going back four times, I think I’d have to say this is shady.

Are we there NOW?

So, of course, Logan and Jessica want to do it. REM states the odds, but it looks like Logan wants to go back and most likely leave his gun laying around someplace.

As they drive, they are trapped by yet another kind of force field. This tech is everywhere on the outside! They can’t even get out of the car. Logan says they should just wait, but it’s hermetically sealed –  and there’s only enough air for 5.1 minutes! Time for a commercial!

I like this force field.

Luckily, a group of hideously attired people, led by Garth, who is played by Spencer Milligan (who I guess left Land of the Lost for this), recognizes the Sandman uniform and asks about his “weapon that blasts.” OMG. To turn the force field off, Logan has to agree to throw his gun out. Which for him, you know, is just another Tuesday.

“In the land of the color-blocked (blocked/blocked/blocked …)”

Fashion Forward

WOW. The color blocked tunics and skorts are … just wow. The tan ones are triangular, which make the white areas look like … well bra-like. Everyone has these giant gold bead clusters around their necks and they can’t wait to show Logan’s Weapon That Blasts to someone named the Provider.

Also, Logan and Jessica haven’t changed outfits in what must be months now. A lot of these identity problems would be solved if he changed shirts. Or you know, wore no shirt. Just a suggestion.

What is that neckwear?

The group brings them to the Hall of the Provider. He is wearing a pretty outrageous tunic cut down to the waistband, so now, after three shows in a row showing everyone BUT the star’s skin, I am wondering what the eff is up in this costume department.

The Provider turns out to be Matthew-12, the first runner. This is HIS Sanctuary and he can’t believe Logan is a runner. Garth’s patrol will get extra joy tonight. I can’t wait to see what that entails. REM wonders why the computers are in such disrepair.

Garth has been repairing them and we find out he only ran six years ago. His run inspired the whole movement. This is some interesting canon. I’d imagined the runners thing had been going on for decades.

Garth is shocked by their idea of going back to the City of Domes and trying to stop Carousel. He says that will take deep thought. Fake Hal demands they leave soon and Logan FINALLY thinks this behavior is suspicious.

No, thank you.

If the plate of multi-colored paste served for dinner is extra joy, I don’t think Garth’s patrol actually lucked out. Matthew-12 says going back would be a dream, but his loyalties are with these simpletons.

It turns out extra joy is in some metal collar. The poorly color-blocked simpletons put them on and bliss out. Jessica and Matthew talk on the patio. She thinks he’s a dictator for making them patrol for his enemies in exchange for their computer-simulated joy.

Happy happy joy joy!

Next day, Fake Hal wants to see Garth’s weapons. Fake Hal tries to convince Garth to show him some weapons, but Garth isn’t having it. Logan questions Fake Hal and then Matthew comes out and says they can’t leave. He says they can be guests or prisoners, but they can’t leave – ever!

I love this decor unironically.

That night in the bedroom, REM wants to turn himself off and rest from the tribulations of being with all these humans. Suddenly. Logan is onboard with Fake Hal’s weapon stealing plan. Joy starts in 10 minutes and Jessica is going to distract Matthew. Her plan to do this involves brushing her 70s feathered hair a lot.

Last time you brushed that hair, you got hypnotized, Jess.

They debate the wisdom of going back. Matthew’s not having it. Jessica is having to work to keep him occupied so Logan and the others can steal the guns. REM is having to work a lot with his magic tuning fork, to access the weapons.

Sonic tuning fork!

As soon as the weapons drawer opens, a different group of color-blocked simpletons come in, weapons drawn. Matthew knew she was stalling him, so they lose their guest privileges and are just prisoners.

That yellow!

Fake Hal asks to speak with Matthew. Fake Hal suggests REM repair the computers, but Matthew says REM won’t help. Fake Hal says he should bargain Logan and Jessica’s freedom for REM’s help. Matthew says the plan is not without merit, but he’ll get back to him.

Matthew comes in and allows them to go … if REM stays to fix the master computer. Logan and Jessica don’t like the idea. Logan calls the aircraft a solar craft, so now I look like an idiot calling it the “air car” all these times.

“Sure, I’ll stay. You go cause chaos and riots. I’m fine being a slave here.”

REM says they should go cause the sociopolitical downfall of the City and then come back and get him and show him what they have achieved … like it’s an interpretive dance recital. Fake Hal actually licks his lips with delight. The minute Logan agrees, Fake Hal is dancing out the door.

Of course, REM gets things going lickety-split, so perhaps they could have waited like five minutes before dashing out to the City of Domes. Matthew spies on Logan and the others while REM works. Logan is questioning Jess about how much they can trust Fake Hal.  Matthews initiates a power circuit to the vehicle, which doesn’t sound good. Oh no! The computer is going to destroy the solar craft!

SO many buttons!

As the computer attempts to not discharge the power circuit, Matthew overrides it. Before the computer can blow up Logan and the others, REM manages to cause it to blow up itself. Fake Hal says the explosion they hear is none of their business, but Logan ain’t having that.

The Provider is dead and REM has violated the First Law and killed a human. He feels bad, and even his dear Logan can’t console him.

Simple Jack time.

Garth and his simple people are pissed and want a new Provider. Logan talks him into learning how to fend for himself while REM sets up the computer into an instructional mode.

The solar craft takes them to the edge of the City of Domes. Fake Hal leads the way. They walk through the desert as a Sandman vehicle WITHOUT FRANCIS rumbles toward them. Fake Hal makes a mistake in not knowing some of the names of some of the runner leaders, but Jessica covers for him.

Is the City of Domes in Death Valley?

Fake Hal leads them to a tunnel door which is the same one Logan and Jessica came out. Logan knows it’s a trap now –  the Sandmen would never have allowed this to stay open. LOGIC! Fake Hal attacks, but Logan gets the drop on him.

The Sandman cometh.

Logan won’t use his weapon to avoid the Sandmen seeing a flash. The Sandmen on patrol only see one of their own chasing a runner. This is IRONY, people! And now, Logan never having changed clothes actually works for him!

WHERE IS FRANCIS? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM?

Predictably, Fake Hal gets blasted. Logan almost bluffs his way through, but still has to stun the Sandmen. Logan intuitively knows exactly what must have happened –  that Fake Hal was a Sandman with a laser facelift. He is a good guesser after the fact.

I love the Weapon That Blasts.

Our three runners head back out. Jessica has sads that there was no real rebellion, but REM says history has a way of having good timing. Not in our century, REM!

You realize you have run right back to where you started, right?

A great, if poorly-attired episode! 4 out of 5 Sanctuary Ankhs! See you next week and dare we hope Francis will return??

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